To the guy who raped me,
You took a part of me. A part of me that I will never be able to get back. I’ll never get you out of my mind because your name is painfully burned into the back of my skull. As much as I have tried to make you go away, you come back. Without permission. You always come back and I hate that.
The memories of you are still so fresh in my mind. Your touch, your smell, the nauseating taste of tequila on your lips you forced me to taste. The memory of being held down by you. My screams and cries begging you to stop still echo in my mind. I try to move forward, but my mind can’t forget this and I take one-hundred steps back, all because of you.
It’s unexplainable what you did to me. How you made me feel. I feel pain. I feel fear. I feel sadness and anger. Most importantly, I feel alone. But that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface on how I feel. You ruined so much for me. You ruined my second year of college. A time that I should have been studying hard and spending time with friends. But instead, I was in my dorm room with the doors locked, too sad and afraid to go out. How does that feel?
How does it feel to know that you ruined someone’s life? Why did you do it? I still can’t figure that out. Was it my leggings and oversized tee? Or was it the backpack and my plans to study that night that made you do it. I guess i’ll never know. I always believed it when you told me you cared about me. So why would you do this to someone that you care about? I wonder what would have happened if I turned around and left after I found out you were drinking? Would things have gone differently? I have a million questions and zero answers.
I am disgusted by you. By your actions and the way they impacted my life. I hate that you get to continue on, like nothing ever happened. Why is that fair? Why did I have to be punished as a result of your actions?
I hope one day you look back and realize how much you hurt me. I hope that you get all you deserve and most importantly, I hope you grow up and learn to respect women so this will never happen to another innocent girl who just wanted to love you.
You took so much away from me and I hope one day you understand that.
The girl you raped.
If you or anyone you know is a victim of sexual assault / rape, just know that you’re not alone. Tell someone you trust, whether it be a family member, teacher, friend or therapist. Go get help. You are strong and you can get through this even though it seems impossible. It is possible, I promise ❤